A Maher-velous Rant

Bill Maher is not a big fan of women in general, but as it turns out, he is particularly not a fan of stay-at-home moms. As a stay-at-home mom myself, you might not be confused by my outrage at his comments:

"No one is denying that being a mother is a tough job; I remember I was a handful," he said. "But you know there is a big difference between being a mother, and that tough job, and getting your ass out the door at 7 a.m. when it's cold, having to deal with the boss, being in a workplace, or even if you're unhappy you can't show it for eight hours." 
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/04/16/bill-maher-facing-bipartisan-criticism-over-ann-romney-comments/?test=latestnews?test=latestnews#ixzz1sIOVfj7k

Pitting woman against woman is an excellent way to help us to avoid actual issues. Maher, being a comedian, has no real pull left or right. However, he does have an audience that listens to him. He does have the ability to raise money for a Super PAC to support President Obama. He does have a voice.

What Maher doesn't realize, or doesn't care about to begin with, is that most stay-at-home moms have spent time in the workforce. Indeed, most stay-at-home moms carry jobs that we can do either in the evenings while the children sleep, part-time while they are in pre-school, or that we can do from the privacy of our own homes, squeezing in a few hours of work while the rest of the family sleeps. I will not argue that being a stay-at-home mom is harder than working a traditional job. But the thought that what we do is somehow easier is preposterous.

I was up at 5 AM this morning, as I am every morning - including weekends. I made two meals, cleaned the kitchen, unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded the dishwasher, ran a load of laundry, wrapped two birthday presents, pulled up research for two articles I am writing, went through all of my son's paperwork for school, checked my financial records to make sure I'm still on budget, emailed two clients, and then sat down with a cup of coffee to relax for a few minutes before getting back to work. It is currently 6:30 AM. This is my morning every morning. Okay, maybe the wrapping of presents is replaced with dusting, vacuuming, starting a meal in the slow cooker, but there is not a moment that is unaccounted for.

Do I have to get out the door at 7 in the cold? No. I have to get two children out of bed at 7 and make sure they are clothed, fed, teeth brushed, faces washed, medicine applied, bundled appropriately depending on the weather, that my son has his homework finished, lunch packed, and that the kids remember that, by the way, their parents love them. And then, every morning, we have to be out the door at 8:15. And instead of walking to my car and driving my son to work, I walk him to school. Unless it's below freezing or heavily raining, we walk the mile from our house to his school and I do so "even if [I'm] unhappy" and you know what else? Maybe I can show my unhappiness, there are days when I'm in a bad mood and I tell the kids straight up that I woke up in a bad mood and they'll need to cut me some slack. Still, if I let my mood affect them, I'm not just risking the possibility of angering a boss. No, I'm risking the possibility of screwing up my kids forever.


Do I have a boss to be accountable to? No. But that also means I have no one watching my back to make sure I accomplish all I need to do during the day. I am very fortunate to have a supportive, hard-working husband. He does not treat me as a subordinate but as an equal partner in our family. He is not telling me what to do. No one is telling me what to do. I have to make sure that I stay on task so that our kids can thrive. It's not as easy as Bill Maher makes it out to be. There is no part of my day that involves lounging on the sofa watching television while the kids sit in their underwear eating paste. The 15 minutes it's taken me to write this is the most relaxation I'll get today.

But the other part of this that is not touched upon by Hilary Rosen, Bill Maher, or even those who are actively speaking out against these types of comments is that this very hard job, this very important job, of being a full-time, stay-at-home parent is a choice that families make not because the moms don't want regular jobs but because we feel it is best for our children. Not all families reach the same conclusion that we did and that is okay. The same solution doesn't work for every family. However, we should not be made to believe that because the family next door has two working parents we are somehow better parents or I am somehow a lesser woman. We are all in this country together. We are living side-by-side, raising our families next to each other, and trying our best to make the decisions that will benefit future generations. If anyone thinks otherwise, I have to believe that the problem is with them, not me, not my family, and not the many people I know so well who work hard to raise their own families in the best way possible. Whether that means they have a parent at home or not, I have to believe that most of my middle-class cohorts care about giving their children a good start in life, which is really the most important job of all.