How to Keep Your Dog Out of the Garden

I have covered how to get rid of spider mites and rabbits, and I am pleased to report that neither have been an issue for me since I started the organic methods of removal and prevention. The layer of chili pepper has kept rabbits out handily, thus I have only lost three okra plants in total to the vile creatures. Last year, I didn't have an issue with spider mites until later in the summer, but I am using preventative measures by regularly spraying the undersides of the most susceptible leaves with cold water.

Right now, there is a whole other issue at hand. That issue is named Geronimo.

Geronimo, destroyer of opossums,
neglected sandbox toys, and gardens.

Geronimo was a pound puppy when we first saw him over eight years ago. We were won over at first by his shy and retreating nature when we saw him in his cell at the Humane Society. As soon as we brought him home, however, the beast arose.

In all of these years, Geronimo has been our protector. He guards us against strangers, friends, neighbors, wildlife, sudden bursts of wind, and the gate next door that sometimes comes open if it hasn't been shut all the way. Yes, Geronimo is a true hero. Unfortunately, the garden is in his territory, and when Geronimo goes into protection mode, nothing gets in his way. Thus far, Geronimo has protected us against five green bean plants, one tomato plant, one jalapeno plant, a planter filled with basil, and countless marigolds - and it's only May. I'd be impressed if I weren't so angry.

The problem is, how do I protect this garden from the family pet? How do I keep my dog from destroying my garden? As always, it's the Internet to the rescue, and I have found a number of possible, laughable, and slightly dangerous options from which to choose.

Coat Hangers
One blog suggested placing untwisted coat hangers into the ground around the garden, jutting out in various angles because, "Dogs don't like to get poked." Neither do my children's corneas. My main question is, why draw the line at coat hangers? Why not suggest broken glass around the garden's perimeter? How about a nice, liberal sprinkling of hydrochloric acid? Maybe an army of angry bees?

Chili Pepper
Again with the chili pepper. It is an effective deterrent for rabbits, as I've found, so it would make sense that chili pepper would keep other animal at bay as well. If your issue is that your dog is eating items in your garden, chili pepper could work wonders. The same has been said of garlic, coffee grounds, and bitter orange. However, this may not be effective against the dog who is simply terrorizing the garden because he has nothing better to do.



Rose Bushes
Again, the purpose here is to deter the dog through pain. The theory is that you should plant rose bushes around your garden, forcing him through the brambles each time he enters. Eventually he will equate the garden with pain and will then leave it alone. It sounds reasonable, until I remember that I also have to get to the garden at some point. Can I trust myself to get through the rose bushes without a scratch? I have many gifts, but grace is not one of them. I can scarcely make it across the carpeted floor without losing a toenail. When I purposefully place hundreds of sharp objects in my own proximity, I am testing fate in a way that best be left untested.

The Fence Within a Fence
First, you have a fence to keep small children and pets hidden from those that lurk on the outside and may choose to cause us harm. Inside of this fence is yet another fence, meant to kept the small children and pets from the things upon which they may cause harm. Inside of this is another fence, meant to keep the vegetables and the flowers separated. Then there is another fence, this one's just for the beetles. Where does it end? The concept of fencing a fenced yard reminds me of an Escher painting, and that is never a good thing.



Water Torture
Remember what a big deal it was in the 2008 election that John McCain was so vehemently against waterboarding? We haven't heard much about it lately, and that is, perhaps, because the world has found how effective it is in keeping dogs out of the garden. I'm not here to debate enhanced interrogation, but I am here to tell you that dogs don't like getting sprayed with water. You can either try to catch your dog in the act and douse him or you can keep a sprinkler running on the garden when it and your dog are alone together.





Stop Having a Dog
The most effective way to keep a dog out of your garden is to not have a dog. Of course, for most of us, this is an impossibility. For now, I will try to catch Geronimo in the act and spray him down as many times as I can. Otherwise, I'll settle for being occasionally furious. I may hold a grudge against him, but he loves me anyway.

Update: I decided to try chili pepper on the perimeter of the garden and I have been shocked at its effectiveness. Geronimo is no longer a threat! Also, in case you thought I was exaggerating about my clumsiness, I lost a toenail tonight as I was walking across the garage with my son. I don't even know how it happened.