Abs in 7 Days

I am leaving for a trip to the beach in seven days. Unfortunately, I am seriously not bikini ready. I am laughably not bikini ready. In fact, this is how I look:

This is a big deal.

One of my best friends in the entire world has given me some amazing advice on how to turn this:

Into this:

In only seven days.

My friend, who you may know by the name of Google, had several pretty astounding ideas on how to get beach ready abs in seven days. I have tried a couple of Oxygen routines that have definitely helped me to tone and firm, but they have not delivered results even close to those that will get me to uncover my mid-section in public. So instead of continuing with the trusted advice from the experts at Oxygen, I have decided to put my abdominal fate in the hands of random bloggers and paid SEO content providers who obviously know what they are talking about.

Random Google Ab Tip #1: Eat less food. 
It's pretty amazing when you think about it. All of the sites I visited that told me how to get killer abs in seven days suggested that I put down the Twinkies. Of course, I don't eat Twinkies, but I do love food. Even with a whole foods diet, I sometimes find myself over-indulging. This is a big no-no for abs.

Random Google Ab Tip #2: Exercise more.
Another jaw-dropper. Sites say that working out can help you to get six pack abs. Who knew? Of course, the variance is on what kind of exercises are required as well as the amount of time dedicated and the frequency.  One super-helpful article said that I should perform cardio to lose weight and do sit-ups to tone. Who would have ever guessed it?

Random Google Ab Tip #3: Take Supplements
You probably couldn't have guessed, but a number of web sites suggest that taking pills are the way to go to burn mid-section fat and to release the inner gods and goddesses that are lurking underneath all of those pancakes. Mmmmm. Pancakes.

These tips are dripping in delicious sarcasm.

Of course, Google didn't tell me anything I didn't already know and didn't tell me anything I'm not already doing. The problem with me is the frequency that I am doing these things. As summer hit, I have decreased my workouts rather than increased them. No more! For the next seven days, I am going to work my core, work my cardio, and work my weights. I may not be able to spot-reduce the fat around my mid-section, but I can share my research with the world so that I too can join the esteemed ranks of Google's most powerful links. Someday, someone searching for abs in seven days may find this blog and they too will be inspired to eat less and workout. Because they probably never heard that before ever. Ever.